Saturday night, Travis and I went on our first date sans Emma to celebrate our 6-year wedding anniversary.
One of our good friends from church watched Emma for four hours while Travis and I went out for sushi at 4:30 in the afternoon, followed by a walk on nearby trails (where the pictures above were taken), Dairy Queen (where I got a Mr. Misty slush since I’m still not eating dairy), looking at guns at Gander Mountain, people watching at a park and buying toilet paper from Walmart (exciting!).
We had a good time and Emma actually did pretty well so we’ll call it a success! Our lives are consumed by her right now so we did talk a lot about Emma but it was nice to touch base on how we’re both handling the life change, commiserate on how hard things have been and share our hopes for the future.
Oh, and I drank my first full glass of wine since last August! I had a Pinot Noir and it was delicious. After I fed Emma when we got home, I had another glass, of Cupcake Cab Sav. But then I felt absolutely horrible for both of the middle-of-the-night feedings. I need to remember to drink more water next time. Ugh!
Anyway, so 6 years. We’ve been together for 8. I’m still not even near the wife I want to be. Even now, the thing I want to ‘get better at’ is the same thing that has caused the majority of the tension in our marriage – expression of physical affection. After getting married, we discovered just how different our styles are. Travis is very playful and I usually end up annoyed and push him away -literally.
One of the things I struggle with the most in marriage is being resentful. I let little things build up into one big glob of disappointment and self-pity and it overflows through resentment and bitterness. For many years, I blamed Travis for our relationship being more roommate-like than lover-like. ‘If he would just stop grabbing me and listen to what I like, things would be different,’ I thought.
But then one day this past year, my eyes were finally opened to my own fault. How it was my constantly pushing Travis away, even when he tried to do things ‘my way’ with back rubs and simple hugs (minus butt grabs), that really stunted our physical relationship. How could our passion increase if I always shut down any attempt Travis made?
I was very humbled that day. I’d love to say that things improved exponentially from there but unfortunately, it isn’t that easy. I’ve come to accept that this will always be something that I have to die to myself in – instead of demanding the ideal, giving thanks for the reality. Choosing to see the good, instead of ignoring it to focus on the bad.
I’m constantly amazed at Travis’ longsuffering and kindness to me. How he doesn’t get angry at my insensitivity and coldness is beyond me. But I’m thankful that he doesn’t. And I’m thankful that God has given us one more year together to figure out how to, in the words of John Piper, “forge a life together in the furnace of affliction” to the praise of His glory. May there be many more.